You're Playing Too Much Blitz Chess When...

You dress up like a crazy person at the 2010 SPICE Cup tournament... yeah, that's me!

No, actually not the purpose of this post ... I haven't blogged in a while, as I've simply been short of "inspiration" (or is it perspiration???) and/or things to write about.

However, in light of a very fun Pardon Our Blunders show with my parnter IM David Pruess (which ended roughly an hour ago on Chess.com/TV) -- I thought I might take this opportunity to share my favorite jokes from last week's contest (which was to come up with the best "You Know You're Playing Too Much Blitz/Chess.com Chess When..." jokes -- with the winner taking home a year's Free Diamond Membership.

So, without further adieu -- here are my favorites (in no particular order until the top 5):

1. You know you're playing too much blitz when you tell your teacher that you couldn't do your homework because you got "perpetual checked" by chess.

2. You know you're playing too much blitz when you walk into your house and say "I need to activate my passive dog, and get him on the open file!"

3. You know you're playing too much blitz when you come home late and your wife says, "Checkmate."

4. You know you're playing too much blitz when you call your kids your pawns and your wife your queen.

5. You know you are playing too much blitz when you keep trying to take a sip from an empty glass while playing.
6. You know your playing too much blitz chess when you realize that you would be a GM by now if you werent spending so much time filming blitz games for chess TV.
7. You know you're playing too much blitz chess when you cry when chess.com is down for maitenance
8. You know you're playing too much blitz when you run into someone and say, "J'adoube."
9. You are playing too much blitz when you try to claim en passant when cutting in line
10. You know you're playing too much blitz when you wife tells you that you need to to stop playing blitz online and get out more and you go to a chessclub.

11. You know you play to much blitz when you think to yourself, just one more game, instead of going to the bathroom

12. You know you're playing too much blitz when you have dreams about IM Daniel Rensch yelling at you for trolling chess.com/tv chat.
13. You know you're playing too much blitz when you subconsciously re-nickname your children after popular openings.

And now, for my personal Top 5 (the rest that didn't make my favorite's list can be seen here: http://www.chess.com/groups/forumview/pardon-our-blunders-recap-for-10272011):

• You know you're playing too much blitz chess when you give 5 minutes of eating time to your children, with a 2 second increment for every bite taken!
• You know you're playing too much blitz chess when you develop an irrational fear of hedgehogs!
• You know you're playing too much blitz chess when your girlfriend asks you if you want to fool around, and you respond "A 5-minute game okay?"
• You know your playing too much blitz when you call "flag" five minutes into your wife's story about her trip to the mall!

And the winner of the 1-year free Diamond Membership was:

• You know you're playing too much blitz when your wife asks you to mow the lawn, and you say "right after this next game," to which she responds "BEFORE!!" You quickly yell back at her "e5!!"!!!

Awesome stuff everyone! Thanks for playing...