How significant a part of your life is chess? Can you take it or leave it, or are you totally addicted?
Try the not entirely serious quiz below to find out just how obsessed you are with chess! Pick the answer that’s closest to the truth!
Score 1 for A, 2 for B, and 3 for C. Add up your scores to get your diagnosis at the end.
1. Your significant other dumps you for spending too much time playing chess. Do you...
A. Throw out all your chess gear and beg for forgiveness
B. Spend your extra free time working on your endgame technique
C. Jump out of a second floor window
2. You are at a party where you don’t know anyone else. Do you...
A. Make a joke with the punchline “I can’t stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer”
B. Try to impress everyone by name-dropping Garry Kasparov and Magnus Carlsen
C. Stand in the corner reviewing the latest developments in Najdorf opening theory in your head
3. A friend invites you to a Friday-night poker game at their house. Do you...
A. Go along, but take your pocket chess set just in case someone fancies a game.
B. Accept on condition they return the favour with a chess night at your house the next week
C. Accept on condition that you play a blindfold chess exhibition game against everyone at the same time as the poker game
4. A religious group knocks on your door and asks if you have any questions. Do you...
A. Ask whether their church considers chess a forbidden game of chance
B. Invite them in to light a candle on your altar to the chess goddess Caissa.
C. Arrange a correspondence chess game with God via their weekly church service
5. A party invitation says dress to impress. What do you wear?
A. A smart suit, with chess-motif cufflinks
B. Your Chess.com T-Shirt and baseball hat
C. Your favourite Endgame T-Shirt signed by Hikaru Nakamura
6. You need to buy a new computer. Do you...
A. Buy a Macbook because they’re cool
B. Buy a PC because it has more chess software available
C. Build your own high-spec kit to run the latest Houdini engine for game analysis
7. You perfect holiday destination would be...
A. St. Louis
B. Elista
C. Reykjavik
8. Do you ever dream about chess?
A. Never
B. Only once, about Alexandra Kosteniuk on a beach, with a giant chess piece
C. You dream every night of beating Vishy Anand to win the world championship
9. Your favourite number is...
A. 8
B. 64
C. 10^120
10. When you were a baby, your first words were...
A. e2-e4
B. J’adoube
C. Gens Una Sumus!
If you scored 12 or less
You’re not really that bothered are you? You quite like chess really, but you’re easily distracted by other less important things, like real life.
If you scored from 13-24
Impressive! You’re obsessed enough to be seriously geeky about chess and not to care who knows that you love the game!
If you scored from 25-30
Wow, that’s hardcore! In some countries you may qualify for free psychiatric help. At least you can still play blindfold chess against yourself when you’re locked up in the padded cell.