A New Poem

Submitted by shadowslayer on Thu, 04/30/2009 at 3:15pm.

In case you have not noticed;I like quotes, and I like writing, so I tried to put two different things together, please tell me if you likey.

"Ligtning crashes, an old mother dies"

"I hear a thunder in the distance"

"Demons cluttering around/ My face showing no emotion"

"(And I said oh) So I held my head up high"

"Because V is for vampire, B is for blood"

"I was so scared I forgot(en?) my name"

"Which only fuels their selfish pride"

"I cry out to God/ Seeking only his decision"

"Your face/ to face/ with the man who sold the world"

"Ashes to dust"

"No time for mourning/ An't got no time..."

"Lightning crashes/ A new mother cries"

Please comment on this one, I would like to know if this is any good, or if you likey.

P.S. I like My Own Prison, in case it wasn't obvious.

» posted in shadowslayer's Blog

| 136 reads | 5 comments

Comments:

by Madison12345 - 3 months ago
McKinney United States

Member Since: Jul 2009
Member Points: 825

Oh, then I get it. You did really great considering how hard it is to create an action/fighting image in your mind. You would make a great author!

by shadowslayer - 3 months ago
Grand Rapids, Michigan United States

Member Since: Nov 2007
Member Points: 1468

As I have said before, I am nott suisidal, nor have any fealings of killing anyone. I mainly wanted to make a fight between two things, you try it. It's really hard to find action in music.

by Madison12345 - 3 months ago
McKinney United States

Member Since: Jul 2009
Member Points: 825

This poem is great, but it makes you sound as if you want to commit suicide.

by shadowslayer - 6 months ago
Grand Rapids, Michigan United States

Member Since: Nov 2007
Member Points: 1468

No, I tryed to make a fight scene, didden't work ouot all too well. I am not going to kill myself, if that's what you are thinking.

by Metalhead65 - 6 months ago
Royal Oak, MI United States

Member Since: Feb 2008
Member Points: 94

I also noted you liked Live's "Lightning Crashes". So the angels come and kill the author after drinks a few. Who is the poem's main audience? It sounds like one is crying out for help but near the end is starting to reject. It's so sad that most serial killers or those intent on killing themselves can be stopped without a physical incarceration. Hope all is well with you? Can you tell us a bit more about the poem and what itis meant to convery? If not, I get the point that you're trying to make us think about it. So what's your point?

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