Hail King Lenny! Look favorably on thy humble servant! I beg of thee to bring me into the fold of thy council!

Thy servant hastily joined "The Bongcloud Society" (group) in hopes of encountering your majesty. Alas, I was torn asunder when I realized you were not a member. And yet... how envious these 25 members would be!!!... of me!!!... if only I could persuade your majesty to unite with us in our zealous attempt to spread your word far and wide!!! Please!! Do not forsake us!!! How desperately we need thy guidance!!

Dark days are upon us. We have wolves in our midst! They utter blasephemy!! There are those amoungst our members who insist that a Bongcloud Opening can include such openings where the King moves on turn 3!! HEARSAY!!! Some say you don't exist, others say you never existed at all. They call us fools for believing in you, and as shepherdless sheep, they each go their own way. Forgive them, for they know not what they do. Nevertheless, there is a remnant!! And we wish nothing more than to join thy chamber....thy personal guard even! We beseech of thee!! Your people anxiously ache for thy return!!

Thou hast laid down your rating for us. Yes... even your only begotten rating..... that we may see!! Free us from these chains of dispair!! My captain bestowed upon me the commission of daring to aproach thee - and beg thee to join The Bongcloud Society:

http://www.chess.com/groups/home/bongcloud-society

... But should I fail... woe unto me!!! Should I stumble in the least... oh how I wish I had died in the womb!! It is said that in the end-times, the Anti-Lenny would appear and decieve many, and if those days were not shortened, then even the very elite would be decieved.

We beg of thee to end our persecution. Come to us, that we may have everlasting rock... that we may jam eternally - for thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the Bongcloud, forever and ever.... amen.